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I never expected this would happened again and again. Over and over ...... endlessly...... I felt so tired about this shit.....God?! When is it going to be ended? Is that all for the rest of my life? I cant live with it... I must somehow find a way to go through it! I am sad... super depressed and yet, no one I could possibly talk to. Sometimes I wonder why there is no one who gives a damn about me? But deep down inside I know that I have absolutely no one who really did give a shit about me?! That is it for me... I cried and cried over and over tonight...I dont know why..but just being so emotionally. Even now, I have tears falling down from my eyes.. I felt so alone, hurt and hopeless. If there is a god, would you please come to me and ease my pain. I am really fucked! But no one cares, no one knows..I am just like an invisible man whereby no one sees me... I felt so lost..so empty and so painful...May be I should end my life now? Should I? I dont know? Is there any hope still? I just couldnt be able to see it? I felt so painful...seriously..super painful..my eyes are full with my tears now...but what possibly can I do? God....Please help me...I wanna smile again...I dont wanna cry and cry and cry for the rest of my life..Actually, I am so weak...so so so weak..but I always have to pretend that I am so happy! Why? Why am I have to be so phony! Everyone seems to have someone who cares ..and who love...but how come this will never come to me?! I felt so fucked...so fucked... I just wanna be loved again...and just wanna be happy again...but it seems never work out.. my life is full of darkness...and although I always lied to myself that it will be better tomorrow..but is it? I hate being so negative...but that is the reality... My pain....is so painful....it is torturing me deep down inside....I am so close to be broken apart...May be I should end my life for now... Coz I dont see any light... there is no ray of hope...my life is hopeless and fucked.. It is not because of anyone...but me...I am the one who fuck it up... I am the one who always fuck it all up... I am the useless one...I always felt that I was so different...but now I know..I am not different...but just fucked!!! Where is my friend when I need you most? GONE AWAY!!!
It has been such a long time since the last time I went out for partying.
This was partly due to I have no longer working in Toyo and the other
reason perhaps was due to lack of mood. Especially after breaking
up with Nicole, it was kinda tired of going to the party again.
Anyhow, it just that I have recently employed by Toyo's competitor: 3M,
and as part of my celebration, I decided to organize a small party.
It was coincident that Iris was back in HK and she told me that her
friends were holding a union party for different colleges and university
in UK. It was actually a great chance to have fun. So I
invited William, Janus and her friends to come along together.
This party was actually held in Armani Bar in Central. The party
was alright, but just that Janus and her friends didn't like it that
much, so they left earlier. Then only William and I remained at
the party. Iris was super high whilst she was dating with
different guys and kissing around the whole time. Hehe. I guess for a
young girl, why not?? I was like that too when I was young......
so I kinda understand her thoughts. Well, there was nothing much
in the party. Except that William was trying to pick up a girl but
unfortunately the girl was not willing to give her phone no. to him.
But at least she willing to save William's phone no. I guess that
would be a good start for him. Actually, I think that was kinda
bad coz his girl friend now, Angela, was actually my friend. I was
the one who introduce her to him. But anyhow, that was really not
my business. I guess I better step out of their circle.
Anyways, thanks to Iris, the party was okay.
I have never expected to receive a phone call from Ting Ting today. That was a big surprise for me. Actually, this phone call rang while I was in the middle of work. After I have picked up the phone, I was so shocked! I have never expected to hear Ting Ting's voice again. Before I used to think that no one does give a damn about me especially during the past six months, but I guess Auntie Wong and James were so right. There is always someone who cares about you and it just that you
don't aware or realize about it. It doesn't mean that there is no one coz of not being aware it myself. Anyways, Ting Ting asked about my status in terms of relationship. She expected I had married already but of course this was not even close yet. So I asked her about her marriage and she was kinda funny, she said sorry that I am married already. She said she did call me so many times and sent me alot of emails but still
couldn't get a hold of me. And because of the fact that I did not want to marry her and
couldn't get a hold of me, she had no choice but to get married with some other guy. Haha! That was surely a joke but still did make me happy. Actually, everyone is getting married now...when is going to be my term? But the problem is that I
don't even have a target...oh god.. But I think I should leave it to god.. Actually, thinking of all da things that I have done in the past, I dont think I should deserve to have one anyways... So if I was meant to be like that for the rest of my life...I will just have to accept it... But anyways, this phone call surely brighten up my days alot as I am so happy that Ting Ting is still remembering me... God, I really miss you people! You people are always special to me...